Sunrise Highway

Speechless.

Michael — Mon, 31 May 2010 18:35:54 +0000

He relied through a long thread of text messages.

He wants to meet me.

Im ecstatic.

A Memorial Day to remember.

The End.

Michael — Fri, 07 May 2010 06:09:39 +0000

I’ve been played for a fool.

To whomever that knew and didn’t tell me, to the person that might still read this and chooses to look past me, to the guy that lied to me all this time:

Thanks.

You’ve took what little trust I have left in others and destroyed it.

Conclusion.

Michael — Wed, 05 May 2010 13:13:54 +0000

Whether or not this will present me trouble in the long run I cannot know. But. The decision to live beyond the chains I placed myself in came down to a question and an answer:

If I was dying tomorrow would that person care in any way other than how she might for the well-being of any other person of similar social status in her eyes?

Answer? No.

So. Fuck it. I’d rather live and let go.

Why should her opinion have so much influence on me? It shouldn’t. Enough said.

Good night.

What Have I Done?

Michael — Wed, 28 Apr 2010 11:05:30 +0000

I let it go too far. I stopped caring. I stopped thinking. I stopped worrying.

Then my heart got involved and stopped me. That’s never happened before.

This downward spiral has to stop.

Failure.

Michael — Tue, 27 Apr 2010 04:05:35 +0000

I feel so broken. So alone. So unsure of who to trust. I don’t know what to do.

Who do I talk to?
Where do I go?
Why am I always fucking up so badly?

That’s how I feel: I’m a fuck up.

I need a break from it. I want to get away. I’m tired of hearing about those that think so badly of me.

The hurting won’t stop.

I feel so alone.

What am I doing?

Michael — Thu, 22 Apr 2010 05:26:31 +0000

I don’t know. That’s just it. I’m really very lost. Do I hold onto hope that I’m not even sure exists or do I move forward and not look back?

To be continued.

What I’m Thinking At The Moment.

Michael — Tue, 20 Apr 2010 22:44:26 +0000

× I wish I had never met her.
× I wish I never took a chance and dated her.
× I wish I could be around her without wanting to look at her.
× I wish my heart hadn’t fallen for her, that it took restraint, and that love never overtook me.
× I wish, more than anything, that I wouldn’t feel pain in my chest when her presence was near.

I want to forget about you. I want to look at you and feel absolutely nothing. I would love that hearing your name meant I didn’t have you stuck in my head for a while after.

You aren’t perfect. You’re not the only one out there that could make me happy. You’ve turned people against me. You made living at home intolerable. You came to my house when you shouldn’t have. You made me feel like I’m not good enough.

Not good enough. Imagine feeling that way. Not even worth your time. I’ve been told that I need to change for you, improve for you, become something more because right now I’m not even worth looking at. Imagine that? Its terrible.

I’m tired of hearing from people what you say about me. How you don’t even want to talk to me because it would give me “hope”. You made me promise I would be your close friend, yet you won’t even try to let that happen now. The last thing you told me was that you don’t care either way if we ever talk again. That hurt incredibly and yet for some damn reason my heart persists on you. You. Of all people you.

New Name.

Michael — Tue, 20 Apr 2010 04:29:27 +0000

The name change is finally and officially done. New drivers license with a new name, picture, and added class, new social security card, and now a final disconnection from the man that caused so much pain. It has taken a long time but I’m glad I have come to this point.

Pain.

Michael — Thu, 15 Apr 2010 09:35:36 +0000

Why is it that every time I look at you I feel physical pain in my chest? Its stunning.

I hope to write more on this.

“Mike is like Helena because he is emo and loves a someone that doesn’t love him.”

Save You.

Michael — Sun, 04 Apr 2010 22:21:12 +0000

I can tell,
I can tell,
How much you hate this.
Deep down inside,
You know it’s killing me.
I can call, wish you well,
And try to change this.
But nothing I can say,
Would change anything.

Where were my senses?
I left them all behind.
Why did I turn away?

I wish I could save you.
I wish I could say to you,
I’m not going nowhere.
I wish I could say to you,
It’s gonna be alright.

I didn’t mean,
Didn’t mean,
To leave you stranded.
Went away cause I,
Didn’t want to face the truth.
Reaching out,
Reach for me,
Empty handed.
You don’t know if I care.
You’re trying to find the proof.

There were times I’d wonder,
Could I have eased your pain?
Why did I turn away?

We can pretend nothings changed.
Pretend it’s all the same.
And there will be no pain,
Tonight.
It’s gonna be alright.